I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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