matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
