I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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