he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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