He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
