Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
