wanna go halves on a baby?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
