There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
