is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
