why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I want a musical about memes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
