i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
