wanna go halves on a baby?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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