oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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