Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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