Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
