dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Duck Duck Cougar?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
