Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
