Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you had me at cake vodka
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My liver just had a heart attack.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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