I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Randomize
