Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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