He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I understand Curling. That high.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
