Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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