no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
