Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
