Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
