I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
