just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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