sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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