If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i black out too much to be "responsible"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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