You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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