I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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