Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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