Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
