she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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