Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
