you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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