I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she smelled like a LAN party
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
