I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
