the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
