I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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