Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
