she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So vagazzling was a success
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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