Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
