Too much gin, very little bucket
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think pants incapable of making pants work
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
