I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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