It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
