I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
