It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
