Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
