I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
