last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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