My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
